Perception

Recently, I participated in a first aid exercise where I was a “victim” in a staged disaster. The part I was asked to play was someone who was experiencing a mental health crisis in response to the disaster, and if not treated in time, would lead to dangerous/deadly behaviours. It was not caught in time. Understandably, there were only a few responders and quite a few “victims,” but I found it interesting that the reason for my ultimate demise was that the responder who tried to assist me felt I was less of a priority than the rest because I was still moving around and making noise, and that I “made a choice” to behave as such. Here’s the question: if my mental health condition was deteriorating so quickly as to jeopardize my life, am I considered a first aid priority, or less? Mental illness is like a snake in the marsh, twisting the conditions of the situation – it truly depends on one’s personal values to colour how the situation is perceived, which then determines how one responds to the situation. I believe the responder, in his own right, did the best he could in a complex scenario, and based on material training, responded to the physical emergencies as priority over the mental.

          The part of the responder’s response that bothers me is how he felt I “made a choice.” I have personal experience with mental illness, and know full well that, when you are in the deepest space of irrational thinking you are not making choices based on what you truly value. In fact, I would hardly call it a choice. It feels more like an irrational command from a vindictive general who is keeping all that you love and value in the world hostage if you do not simply bow down to your emotions. Ultimately, what you feel is felt so close to your heart, so deeply set into your eyes that you are unable to see (perceive) anything else as truth. You may consider yourself a perfectly healthy person and yet experience this same response when you refuse to be flexible. For example, when a person perceives literal truth in their religion’s values to the extent that all others are ultimately evil (and to the extent they treat all others as criminal). Other examples of this “blindness” may include one constantly blaming others for their mistakes; or when they fall in love with someone abusive and place that individual on a pedestal. In my character’s example, I would not agree that she made a choice of her own volition. She was experiencing a psychiatric trauma, and yes, a medical emergency.